A beautiful day

Ah, slacking off... at least until dinner. I had a NAP this afternoon, and farted around on the internet. Okay, so I have a German exam tomorrow that I'm not particularly prepared for, and I've got lab in the morning, and some reading to do for a couple of classes, and eventually I'll have to give a thought to my anth paper and finishing my honors and neurobio proposals, but at the same time it's struck me that it's all downhill from here.

Yeah, I need to figure next year out in finer detail (a place to live would be nice) and there are a few more milestone events left to suck up my time (like finishing my honors, and another chamber singers performance, and cornerstones gigs, and finals, to name a few) but it's still less to do than I had on my plate a month ago. Or a week ago for that matter. Or maybe it feels that way because there is an end in sight, this whole graduation deal, and I feel ready for it. Commencement really will be just that, another new start.

Or maybe I'm just relieved that Ohio finally feels like spring, and glad that I've got a birthday (the big 2-2!) this weekend, and pleased that I'm NOT crashing from a whirlwind weekend that included, as always, as many goodbyes as hellos. Mike's recital was wonderful. His family was fabulous as always. And the music... I've heard most of the program before in one form or another, but never a live performance.

Well, there was the one song, the song I didn't expect... He wrote it when we were probably 17 or so, maybe almost 18, and I've only ever heard a couple of his attempts to play through it, with lots of starts and stops. The guitarist he got to play it was great; too bad that the amp crackled a bit in the middle, but it was still fabulous and brought me immediately back to the mindset I was in the first time I heard it. Ah, to be 17, and completely flummoxed by feelings that you don't quite feel old enough to be having, despite the obvious fact that you are, since it's real and exciting and scary and oh so much fun...

Funny how that parallels being almost 22, with a wide world at your feet and new adventures ahead... I've got a broader and deeper palette of experinces to draw from now, and I've learned so much, and yet that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling is irrepressably the same. Well, look at how well it turned out last time I felt this way! I may dislike change on many levels, but I could very well be developing a taste for adventure.

A million down, a million and one left to go.

I survived my recital! Actually, I was pretty pleased with how it went. I was a little nervous for the Italian section, so I wasn't able to be as emotionally expressive as I had intended, but after that I got into the swing of things and had a great time. The big closer got all the laughs I hoped for, although I occasionally hit the "wrong" note and stayed in key with the accompaniment when I was supposed to clash. As I keep telling everyone who asks, I'm SO glad it's over. I didn't sign up to sing at a voice area recital, I don't have to do juries... except I still have lessons, which are already paid for. Quite frankly, I'd give them money at this point to tell me I didn't have to go. Since Chamber Singers is still in full swing and Cornerstones is picking up again, the extra hour a week is looking more and more valuable to me.

My honors paper, or at least the first complete draft, is due Friday. It's about 50% written. My humongous neurobiology grant proposal is due Thursday, and I've got about 30% of that paper. Luckily it's also a draft, but I'd like to make it as complete as possible so I can take advantage of the class peer review aspect... If I were writing a "real" grant proposal, I'd be freaking out right now. I've got an undergraduate research conference on Saturday to prepare for tonight, but hopefully I can cut and paste a powerpoint from old presentations and my summer science poster pretty easily... I've run updated stats and my behavioral data are much more exciting in full analysis... gosh, I must sound boring. Anyway, we're having a lab meeting tonight with chinese food to get things in order. Yay sweet and sour chicken!

Extra yay... Saturday evening after the conference I'm flying to Kansas City for Mike's senior composition recital. As long as I can get everything done in time between now and then, I'll actually be able to take a breather for a day and NOT frantically work towards a billion deadlines. I'm even on top of things for the Fulbright... I've scheduled my physical, (next Tuesday) filled out the German self-test and University application, and even started looking into housing options. Even with these two papers to complete, I'm feeling on top of things for the moment. Plus today is Honors Day, so I get to stand in front of the whole school in my kickin' new duds and officially be recognized for the award. I won't be onstage unfortunately, and I hope the Nuge (the college president) pronounces my name right this year! I think they are also presenting the Neuroscience departmental award, which means I can support Tyler. He really deserves it. Well, we both do, but they can't rightfully give the senior award to half the senior majors. I was a little jealous at first when I realized that I was being passed over, but I've made my peace with it and now I'm just happy for him.

Whoops, lost track of time! Off to neurobio!

super duper busy!

Gosh, it's been a while! Running tissue samples in the lab for 30 hours a week sure cuts into my slacking-off time, I suppose. The nice thing is that I'm making serious progress with my honors data. The paper... is another story. I'm bound and determined to make it happen, though. It's hard to find chunks of time to write when I'm struggling to stay on top of the day to day, but now that the Cornerstones and Chamber Singers concerts are done (yesterday and today, respectively, and both were freakin' AWESOME if I do say so myself) I may be able to reclaim some of my life.

On other, extraordinarily exciting fronts... on Friday morning I sent several e-mails to various graduate programs, letting three schools know that I would be declining their admissions offers, and telling Northwestern University (Institute for Neuroscience) that I'm planning to attend next fall. It gives one a nice rush to be decisive. On Friday afternoon, though, I got a letter. My Fulbright application has been accepted, and I'm going to Germany next year. So I sent another e-mail to Northwestern to say, scratch that, I meant fall 2006, let me know what I have to do to defer my admission. Now I have lots of paperwork to fill out, and lots to organize...

Lots and lots to do...

I can do it

I've finished my last interview and I think I have a good idea of what next year is going to look like. I'm taking another week to think it over and to hear back from one more program, but it's a huge relief that things seem to be falling into place.

Back to school tomorrow... I didn't do enough work over break, but it actually felt like a break, which is possibly more valuable. I'm still in a state of minor panic, but I'm on top of it right now rather than underneath crashing waves of worry and doubt. The lack of progress on my paper is distressing, but now that tour and interviews are over I think I'll have better focus... plus I get to be in the lab more, which is always fun. It could also be the fact that I'll have a boyfriend in town as of Tuesday night... that is a fairly buoyant prospect, especially since I get to keep him for a whole week. Unfortunately, if I crash next Wednesday we'll know why.

Another milestone

I've completed my final tour with the Chamber Singers. I surprised myself by not crying during the last concert, especially when we got to verse three of Kokosing Farewell... I suppose I still have the home concert in two weeks, the night after my final Cornerstones concert. Maybe I'm just saving up the emotional response. Right now, I'm more numb. I've got three days at home before my last interview. I've got a major paper to write before break ends, which I haven't begun.

Oh yeah... honors is still very much in the picture. I remain rather overwhelmed at the the thought of what I have to accomplish in the next few weeks. It's the culmination of four years of effort, and man does it feel like it. That's no reason to back down now, though!

And of course, I have a wonderful visit to look forward to... and the very distinct possibility to attend Mike's composition recital. Mmmm...

Currently listening to the Chamber Singers '02-'03 recording of a piece from Barber's Reincarnations:

And we will talk
until talk is a trouble too,
out on the side of the hill.
And nothing is left to do
but an eye to look into an eye
and a hand in a hand to slip
and a sigh to answer a sigh
and a lip, to find out a lip.
~The Coolin, James Stephens, after the Irish of Raftery

Yup. I need to see that young man.

break

Chamber Singers tour starts tomorrow!

Okay, so the rehearsal time lost to three interviews has me feeling less prepared than previous years. And we've somehow decided to perform the Bach without music (I was there. How was I not aware of this decision?) and I know I can cover for a lost phrase here or there... but I've got 10 consecutive pages of trouble spots. I can't fake 10 pages of music, even in German.

I'll be hard at work on the bus tomorrow, I guess.

Until then, I'm on the hunt for resources for my three major papers due after break. I have four days at home between tour and my interview in Ann Arbor to get some stuff done, and by golly I'm gonna do it.

Wish me luck!

should... be... working...

I'm working on my nutritional anthropology take-home exam. And by "working on" I mean listening to my random music (current playlist selection: Miles Davis - In a Silent Way), checking my e-mail every few seconds, and writing this. I have no idea how I'm supposed to make it to the end of this week without going slightly crazy or completely giving up on sleep. I've got appointments out the wazoo, two or three weeks of backlogged homework to sort out, midterms galore, ever-intensifying musical obligations, and I MUST get into the lab and get some work done or my whole honors project is going to be reduced to an independent study. (It won't go down the tubes, of course, but I've been planning on doing honors for so long that I don't think I can handle missing my opportunity now!) Oh, and I need to e-mail Germany and make sure they still remember that I exist. ("Fulbright applicant? WHAT Fulbright applicant? Never heard of her." Only in German.) Blah blah blah.

Just when I was hoping to get back into the swing of things and enjoy my last few months at Kenyon, second semester starts speeding up and completely slipping away from me. I'm stretching myself to the limit in order to fully enjoy my opportunites here, and as a result I'm so stretched that I can barely think, let alone appreciate my life here.

Something must give. I don't even have a true break to calm down and center myself... Chamber Singers tour is fun but absolutely the opposite of restful, and then I have a couple of days at home and another interview... then I come back to even more pressing lab deadlines, Cornerstones tech week and throwing my recital together at the last minute (with a boyfriend in town who will have to be very understanding of my insane schedule,) a couple of major papers, research conferences... finals... senior week... graduation... and somewhere in there I have to make a decision about grad school and maybe find out that I'm going to a whole different country for a year to do research I know only a little bit about.

Ditching honors is looking better and better. I wish it didn't sting my pride so much, though.

By the way, the random playlist has progressed through Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities and on to The Darkness - Friday Night. Whee...