I can do it

I've finished my last interview and I think I have a good idea of what next year is going to look like. I'm taking another week to think it over and to hear back from one more program, but it's a huge relief that things seem to be falling into place.

Back to school tomorrow... I didn't do enough work over break, but it actually felt like a break, which is possibly more valuable. I'm still in a state of minor panic, but I'm on top of it right now rather than underneath crashing waves of worry and doubt. The lack of progress on my paper is distressing, but now that tour and interviews are over I think I'll have better focus... plus I get to be in the lab more, which is always fun. It could also be the fact that I'll have a boyfriend in town as of Tuesday night... that is a fairly buoyant prospect, especially since I get to keep him for a whole week. Unfortunately, if I crash next Wednesday we'll know why.

Another milestone

I've completed my final tour with the Chamber Singers. I surprised myself by not crying during the last concert, especially when we got to verse three of Kokosing Farewell... I suppose I still have the home concert in two weeks, the night after my final Cornerstones concert. Maybe I'm just saving up the emotional response. Right now, I'm more numb. I've got three days at home before my last interview. I've got a major paper to write before break ends, which I haven't begun.

Oh yeah... honors is still very much in the picture. I remain rather overwhelmed at the the thought of what I have to accomplish in the next few weeks. It's the culmination of four years of effort, and man does it feel like it. That's no reason to back down now, though!

And of course, I have a wonderful visit to look forward to... and the very distinct possibility to attend Mike's composition recital. Mmmm...

Currently listening to the Chamber Singers '02-'03 recording of a piece from Barber's Reincarnations:

And we will talk
until talk is a trouble too,
out on the side of the hill.
And nothing is left to do
but an eye to look into an eye
and a hand in a hand to slip
and a sigh to answer a sigh
and a lip, to find out a lip.
~The Coolin, James Stephens, after the Irish of Raftery

Yup. I need to see that young man.

break

Chamber Singers tour starts tomorrow!

Okay, so the rehearsal time lost to three interviews has me feeling less prepared than previous years. And we've somehow decided to perform the Bach without music (I was there. How was I not aware of this decision?) and I know I can cover for a lost phrase here or there... but I've got 10 consecutive pages of trouble spots. I can't fake 10 pages of music, even in German.

I'll be hard at work on the bus tomorrow, I guess.

Until then, I'm on the hunt for resources for my three major papers due after break. I have four days at home between tour and my interview in Ann Arbor to get some stuff done, and by golly I'm gonna do it.

Wish me luck!

should... be... working...

I'm working on my nutritional anthropology take-home exam. And by "working on" I mean listening to my random music (current playlist selection: Miles Davis - In a Silent Way), checking my e-mail every few seconds, and writing this. I have no idea how I'm supposed to make it to the end of this week without going slightly crazy or completely giving up on sleep. I've got appointments out the wazoo, two or three weeks of backlogged homework to sort out, midterms galore, ever-intensifying musical obligations, and I MUST get into the lab and get some work done or my whole honors project is going to be reduced to an independent study. (It won't go down the tubes, of course, but I've been planning on doing honors for so long that I don't think I can handle missing my opportunity now!) Oh, and I need to e-mail Germany and make sure they still remember that I exist. ("Fulbright applicant? WHAT Fulbright applicant? Never heard of her." Only in German.) Blah blah blah.

Just when I was hoping to get back into the swing of things and enjoy my last few months at Kenyon, second semester starts speeding up and completely slipping away from me. I'm stretching myself to the limit in order to fully enjoy my opportunites here, and as a result I'm so stretched that I can barely think, let alone appreciate my life here.

Something must give. I don't even have a true break to calm down and center myself... Chamber Singers tour is fun but absolutely the opposite of restful, and then I have a couple of days at home and another interview... then I come back to even more pressing lab deadlines, Cornerstones tech week and throwing my recital together at the last minute (with a boyfriend in town who will have to be very understanding of my insane schedule,) a couple of major papers, research conferences... finals... senior week... graduation... and somewhere in there I have to make a decision about grad school and maybe find out that I'm going to a whole different country for a year to do research I know only a little bit about.

Ditching honors is looking better and better. I wish it didn't sting my pride so much, though.

By the way, the random playlist has progressed through Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities and on to The Darkness - Friday Night. Whee...