I made it!

Ahhhhhh... it's SO nice to be home again!

Some highlights from the last few days:

• The choir concert was okay. I know I had most stuff memorized, and I think it would have been much better if we had been able to get noses out of the music. The soloists screwed up the entrances of my favorite section of the Oratorio, which made me sad. But the church was packed, and we got a good audience response. I still had fun.
• I got to Frankfurt uneventfully, only to learn that the hotel I booked for the night was way the heck out in the boondocks. According to my cab driver, it would have been a 60 Euro trip. Yikes! It was too late to cancel the reservation, but my cab driver found me a different hotel, and then offered to come pick me up again the next morning to go to the airport. That worked out wonderfully, especially since I had left my cell phone in the cab the night before! The hotel was a bit of a dive and drunk people kept trying to get into my room in the middle of the night, but at least it was clean.
• Stupid Delta only allows 50 lb suitcases for international flights now. $25 fee for my 69 lb bag... luckily I'm unloading presents and a few other unneeded items before my flight back!
• I got airsick for the first time in my life... not on the 10 h 30 min international flight, but between Atlanta and StL. Gross. The plane was a decent size and the flight was pretty smooth, but I hope it was just a one time thing.
• Related to that, and a possible cause... I now have a monster cold, another fabulous import to share with my loved ones. But it's fair, because I'm sure they'll reciprocate and share their American germs with me.
• Kailyn does not stop talking. It's kind of amazing. We had a Princess Parade, and danced to me singing "You Are My Sunshine" for something like half an hour. I really wish I could stick around until her 3rd birthday party in January. Justin seems to like Kindergarten. Neither of them play along when I try to teach them German, though.
• Last night I drove a car for the first time in 4 months - while hopped up on sudafed.
• I love sudafed. I'd go buy a whole lot of it to smuggle back into Germany, but I don't want the local pharmacists to think I'm cooking meth. Maybe I can get mom to snag me some more from work.
• I am home, Mike is here. Just mentally add about a million exclamation points to that sentance, and you'll get the gist.
• We went out for his birthday yesterday. I meant to give him 2 glass Apfelschorle bottles for his "collection," but I dropped the bag while I was getting into the car. Luckily one survived, but I felt rather silly.
• It's a struggle not to say "Danke" automatically.
• Season 2 of Arrested Development on DVD makes me obscenely happy.

I think that's it for now. I skipped the Rosati reunion thing today because of my cold, but I hope to get in touch with some friends tonight and make plans. Yay!

Just a little... giddy

I woke up extra early this morning (7:30!) and pedalled my way through the rain up to Weende for breakfast with Christina, which was lovely. I also dropped off two tickets for tonight's Uni-chor concert, for Wolfgang and Oma, who is happily out of the hospital after last week's scare and apparently doing well. I was actually able to keep my end of the conversation up the whole time, which is a nice change... When I lived there, I think I was pretty proud of myself just to utter the occasional comprehensible sentence over mealtimes. Christina offered to pick me up tomorrow night and bring me to the train station, which means I don't have to walk with my huge suitcase or spring for a cab. Yay!

Speaking of which, I'm ostensibly packing at the moment. (As excited as I am to go home, I still haven't really started other than writing lists and gathering presents for folks in a big pile.) I also really have to pee, because I drank lots of tea and juice at breakfast... Okay, wierd segue, but I swear I'm going somewhere with this.

Five minutes ago I went into the restroom closest to my room. I quickly noticed that the stall door was locked, even though it was silent inside (understandable... everybody gets stage fright once in a while) so I left again. I had also automatically flipped the light switch for the stall, and as I left the light was out... but then I felt too awkward to go back in again and turn the light back on, so I came back to my room, where I immediately felt so weird about it that I ditched my plan to go back out and use the other bathroom, because I think if I saw anyone in the hall at this point I'd turn beet red, and possibly giggle. We can't be having that, now. So to the person using the facilities, a mystery dorm-mate perfunctorily entered the bathroom, removed his/her light source, and left again. Certainly odd. Discussion questions: does this make me a bad person? How long do I have to wait before I can attempt to utilize the facilities? Because I really do have to pee.

Ahem. This entire train of though is brought to you by the "Alaina is going home in a couple days and thus is more than a little slap-happy at the moment" organization, eV, GmbH.

Mike has informed me that my countdown system is in the Roman style, as I include both the current day and the arrival day in my tally. I've explained that it's a mechanism of self-protection, because by the time I'm down to one day I'm really almost there and I can't torture myself with counting down hours, minutes, and (heaven help me) seconds. Plus, when I think "Three days!" I can reassure myself that the actual remaining time is somewhat shorter, which is a nice thought (although I'm choosing not to figure in the time difference, at least so long as I'm travelling west.) Anyway, three days!!!

Okay, I'm going to post this, and then I'm going to pee, and then I'm going to pack!

A nice surprise

I got a fabulous compliment today.

At least, that's how I'm choosing to interpret it.

I was making some pasta when one of my dorm-mates came into the kitchen and grabbed his own dinner. When I got to the table with my plate of delicious "Spaghetti a la Kiel" (with broiled veggies just like Meghan used to make!) he told me that I'm the first American to live in the dorm that he'd ever seen actually cook. He's been here a while from what I've gathered, so I felt pretty special. (I guess the rest of them lived off Ramen and frozen pizza?)

Anyway, I appear to be able to feed myself like a real live independent adult now... at least to the casual observer. I've mastered a couple variations on about 3 all-purpose meal components (pasta, bread, vegetables) and manage to combine them in useful ways. It's a start! Maybe soon I'll graduate to salads... last time I tried, stuff went bad before I could eat all of it. After that, the sky's the limit! Chicken, even!


Oh, and before I forget! The promised picture from the Irish Pub! Left to right: Claire, Michelle, Laura, Claire-Ann, and me. Claire and Laura live in Göttingen, and the other two were visiting from other nearby towns, where they also teach English. The three Dublin ladies seem to approve of the place, which I suppose counts for something!

(5 DAYS!!)

Today's news

I got an email this morning... No official paperwork yet, but the assistant director of Northwestern's program wanted to let me know that they plan to readmit me. Yahoo! I have plans for next year! Rather, the plan that I had all along is coming to fruition, which is even better.

I was late for my writing class this evening because I lost track of time at my Podestaufbautermin. (See, I can make up my own Kompositen, just like a native speaker!) Anyway, I think I'll just call it the German Riser Crew in English. I managed to not herniate myself, and had lots of fun telling the other folks there about how we get things done where I come from. At least, as far as college choirs in the middle of Ohio are concerned. Unfortunately since I'll be on a plane I won't be able to help with taking them down again.

Post-rehearsal comments: I miss riser etiquette. And mixed formation. And memorization. And understanding all the jokes, even if they made me groan. Otherwise, I'm really excited about Friday. I'm not even bitter anymore about singing Soprano. There's a post-concert party, too.

And then the real party... a billion hours on a plane. But I'm ready! My laundry is drying, I'm working on eating all my perishables, and I've even got a packing list.

Six days!! (EEEEEEEE!)

Good things

So I went to the international Mass on Saturday night. About 10 people were there, including two priests and two musicians. The celebrant also played a little guitar here and there, and with the lot of us sitting in a circle around the alter and the candlelight I couldn't help but get a Chapel vibe. Everything was in English, but the only music I found familiar was the last song, Here I Am, Lord. St. Louis Jesuit, of course. I've known that one by heart for probably 18 years.

After the service I introduced myself to a couple of people, and they actually thanked me for leading the song. It was the first time they had ever used it.

The last little puzzle pieces are finally sliding into place. Of course, now I get to go home. Then again, I'm glad that I had to force myself to hold out through that round of nasty, discombobulated feelings and out the other side. Who knows, if I had been able to take two weeks and go home at that point, I might have decided not to come back.

Of course I'm still excited about Christmas and seeing everyone at home... but now when I come back I have an awesome time ahead of me, not the least of which is the prospect of getting involved in a new faith community. Not to mention social improvements... I spent time the last two weekends with Laura and Claire (and two of their other friends, teaching assistants from Dublin, who were in town this past Saturday.) Probably have a picture around here somewhere from the Irish Pub that I can post later... A couple of the guys from my dorm also keep inviting me to parties, although by the term "inviting" I mostly mean dropping hints about upcoming events a week ahead of time (and never mentioning it again) or commenting ruefully that, had I not gone out with the girls the night before, they would have asked me along to another gathering. They seem nice enough, though.

I also have choir practice every night this week, and the Christmas concert on Friday. Oh, and I joined the Riser Crew! Okay, they don't have a for-real riser crew like Chamber Singers, but they asked for some volunteers to help set up the platforms tomorrow afternoon before our first rehearsal in the church, and I signed up right away. Luckily I have tomorrow off from lab, since I also need to write an essay in German about my Christmas traditions, talk to the dorm office about my mold issue, and get some laundry started if I expect everything to air-dry by the time I go home! Maybe I can find an iron this time, too...

Ugh, time for class. I have a test today that I'm only half prepared for, so wish me luck!

Ewwwwww...

*****Warning for the faint of heart: Just... spare yourself. Please.*****

It seems like there is an unprecedented amount of "yuck" in my life at the moment. Lab isn't the problem, although dissecting 10-day old chicken embryos isn't necessarily lacking in the gross-out factor area. But I also get to do way cool things like the "window-prep," which I learned today. At three days you can actually see the tiny heart pumping away, and man is that neat!

No, my problem at the moment is mold. Although I'm sure scientists that study mold leap for joy at the chance to observe it in its natural habitat, it just doesn't do anything for me.

First off, there's my window. I mentioned before that it has a bit of a condensation problem. I've been taking care of that by opening it up for at least a few minutes every day and turning the heat off when I don't need it. But it is December, after all. Anyway, the window is a little recessed, and lately I've noticed that the corners on either side are splotchy, green, and fuzzy. Gotta talk to the dorm management folks about that before I come home for Christmas.

The window isn't the worst of it, though. I worked in foodservice once, so I am slightly picky about a few things, like leaving the milk out. For hours at a time. Until it develops a skin. Several milimeters thick. Everybody does that here, and it creeps me out... although supposedly this H-Milk is indestructable and doesn't even need to be refrigerated in stores.

Just as a bit of background, they don't refrigerate any beverages in stores here, unless you count yogurt shakes or single-serve items intended for immediate consumption. It's also a big thing for food products to be labelled "ohne Konservierungsstoff," or without preservatives. And the date on the top is always at least a year in the future, so the stuff keeps. Maybe that lulled me into a false sense of security... they must not need to take such hyperbolic American precautions. But just yesterday, I learned the hard way that they don't pasteurize the applejuice.

Granted,the jug was first opened a few weeks ago... but since then, it's been in the fridge. No problem, right?

Oh, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

The worst of it is that I drank half a glass before I caught on that anything was awry, thanks to the phenomenon of opaque drink containers. Maybe it tasted a little different, I don't even know. What I did notice, however was some kind of wierd transparent pulpy stuff floating around at the bottom of the glass. I actually went to pour some more, which came with even more pulpy-something until glop! Something that I would estimate to be about golf-ball sized and really squishy-sounding disengaged itself from the bottom of the jug and fell to the nozzle, blocking it. That's when I looked - really looked - at the nozzle. A centimeter-long glob of pulpy-whatever hung out forlornly, and the little plastic tab thing that breaks the seal when the cap is turned was... fuzzy. Greenish and fuzzy. Did I mention that I had already imbibed half a glass at this point??

Next time if I can't drink the whole jug in one sitting, it's getting pitched. If there is a next time.

Amazingly, I'm not dead yet. Or even remotely sick. I gave myself a massive dose of gummy bears, just to be on the safe side.

Holiday Cheer

We don't have snow on the ground at the moment, but I'm definitely getting in the Christmas spirit... Due in part, I'm sure, to the creation of an iTunes playlist with the same title as this post. Granted, it's not nearly as glorious my Christmas playlist was last year. When my Lyra Jukebox died it took plenty of hostages down with it, including my oh-so-carefully assembled collection of Jackson 5, Alvin & the Chipmunks, various artists with dental deficiencies, and Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey. (Hee HAW, Hee HAW!) To my credit, I also had lots of decent standards AND the Charlie Brown Christmas music. I think that more than makes up for the Mariah.

Actually, my selections are way classy this year. I've got some Cornerstones stuff, the RK Voices Christmas Novena (recorded the year after I graduated, dang it!) and TWO complete Christmas Oratoria (yes I just made up that plural. J.S. Bach and Saint-Saëns.) Throw in a couple of Ave Marias (Schubert, natch) and some random Handel's Messiah for good measure, and we've got ourselves a Krazy Klassikal/Khoral Khristmas. Or something like that. Too bad Chamber Singers never have time to do Holiday pieces in addition to the tour repertoire...

Anyhow, I've been sitting on some photos, so at long last, here is the Göttinger Weihnachtsmarkt!


This Weender Strasse, which runs north-south all the way from Weende (where the Krebs' live) to town. This is the north entrance to the Stadtzentrum. I think the lights are just as pretty as middle path.


The Aula, am Wilhelmsplatz, at night.


A blurry shot of the Weender Strasse a little further south, where it meets the Gänselieselplatz in front of the Altes Rathaus. The lights are everywhere, not to mention food and drink and crafts and music and people...


I posted a picture from roughly this angle in front of the Altes Rathaus when the decorations were first going up... the difference is amazing. The lights are too bright to really make it out, but the boothish looking thing just to the right of center is a carousel. There are more booths behind the Altes Rathaus and all around the Johanniskirche.


Alongside St. Johannis. The old Stadtbibliothek (City Library) put up pictures in all the windows like an Advent Calendar.


A better angle for the windows.


A little further along next to St. Johannis. Sorry for the blur, but you can still see the ferris wheel!


And now for something completely different... There was a llama on the Gänselieselplatz last week. Here is Laura, another Fulbrighter in town. She teaches English at the Max Planck Gymnasium.


And of course yours truly. No, not the llama.


Something else I've been meaning to post... All the Horsaale (lecture halls) in the ZHG (one of the main Uni buildings) are numbered, but somebody took a little creative license with this one. I think that's why they hold the infiltration and espionage classes here.

Home in 12 days! Yay!

Back to work... and a new toy

I'm posting from the lab, where I am actually working on my German homework. How's that for multitasking? Ahem... or graduate level procrastination, whichever floats your boat.

I get to write an essay on my thoughts about Studiengebühren. That's right, ask the Kenyon alum how she feels about the concept of tuition in higher education, because that's not going to open up a whole can of really nasty worms. Surprisingly, I find myself defending the idea, at least where the German system is concerned. Yes, it's out of hand in the US, especially with the nasty trickle-down financial inequality that has reached the level of Kindergarten in some places... But I'm also a product of private schools, and I appreciate the value of what I've received. My parents worked and saved. I worked pretty darn hard at school to get the grades that gave me access to scholarships, not to mention the full-time employment over summers and breaks... plus multiple on-campus jobs (I think at one point I had three.)

A car or a Kenyon education? I made my choice.

Hmm, I guess I should try to write out at least some of this in German so I can actually turn it in!

*****

A little nerd-alert aside... I caught a BBC segment a while back about a nifty internet homepage thingamajig called Protopage. I've been fiddling with it, and I like the idea, especially since the Kenyon homepage thingie punked out on me earlier this year. Some new features have just been added, and now it supports RSS- and Atom-feeds for news and such, including (hint hint) blogs. Yay! If you want a way rad customizable homepage, give it a try. Oh, and if you ever want to add a link or feed for this site, there's a new button under the archive. That's it, a little to the right... now scroll down... you've got it!

Clarifications

Ahem... It has come to my attention that the last post came across as slightly worrisome to people who care about me. (I love you too, mom!)

First of all, my apologies. I meant to save that as a draft this afternoon and add to it for later, but in my rush to head into town I posted a little prematurely. Yes, I did have a pretty bad week, but as I mentioned, things are quite a bit better at the moment. I even remembered to take my iron!

I've been more social in the past couple of days than I've been in quite some time, and it has done me undeniable good. While I'd never consider myself a dyed-in-the-wool extrovert, I've definitely been OD'ing on the "personal time" lately, and I guess I didn't realize how psychologically damaging lonliness can be. (Note to self: I never want to live in a single again. EVER. If I'm not living with a family/MY family, I want a roommate.)

I found a good set of New Year's resolutions: I'm going to be better about forcing myself out of the room and into society. I'm going to quit thinking that being independent and self-sufficient means/isn't diametrically opposed to hermiting myself away to "deal with" my worries and fears all by myself. I'm going to embrace this year fully as the chance of a lifetime, and not something to "get through" before I can get on with my "real" plans.

Some of this stuff has been floating around in my head for a while, but I've been hiding from it, pushing it away and hoping it would take care of itself. It won't. If I'm really unhappy here, I need to give myself a fair shot at addressing the root problems.

And I don't even think I'm really unhappy, particularly not at the moment. Of course I could potentially be more happy right now... if Mike and I were in the same place, for example. But that's hardly a new development... and in two weeks' time, I can actually enjoy a real live hug again. Just two weeks...

In short, things are going to be okay, and I love you.

Reality check

I've once again become derelict in my posting duties, but considering the fact that I spent the greater part of this week feeling sorry for myself, and that now I feel kind of silly about the whole thing, it's probably for the best.

I don't know if it's the early sunsets, or the proximity of the holiday season combined with acute homesickness, or hormonal flux, but I don't think I've had such a downtrodden feeling before. Even when I freaked out about moving into the dorm, I still did my work, showered daily and fed myself regularly. I haven't even been in to the lab since Monday. And the worst part was that I acted like everything was okay... to myself and to the few people I interacted with. The control-freak side of my nature can't admit weakness, even to myself.

I feel like I'm on the upswing again, but mostly due to the buoyount prospect of going home in just over two weeks. Without that carrot-on-a-stick to orient to, I think I'd really be lost. Part of me wonders if this feeling of fragility will actually go away after a couple weeks at home, and worries that I might just be setting myself up for something really nasty when I come back here in January.

But I am really doing better. Even at my worst this week, I wasn't a total wreck. I baked bread, and did eat at least one major meal a day. I did all my laundry, which was a big deal since it's the first time I bothered since moving in here. And luckily for me, I DO have friends here. I've been kind of bad about meeting my dorm-mates, mostly because I'm still self-conscious about my German. But I met up with Laura and Claire again last night, and their friend Tim. That was a major boost, and largely responsible for getting me back to a healthy frame of mind. We had dinner, chatted, and wandered around the Weihnachtsmarkt a bit. Yes, I went on the Christmas-themed ferris wheel!

A Berlin Thanksgiving

As promised, I've got lots of pictures fom my weekend trip to Berlin. Andrew lives in Friedrichshain, an area on the east side pretty close to Prenzlauerberg, which is where Martin lives. Unfortunately my host-brother was in Hannover while I was in town, but I had plenty of people to catch up with and meet!

I left Göttingen a little after 9am on Thursday morning, got to Hannover for my transfer around 10:30, and had to wait an extra half hour for my train to Berlin Ostbahnhof. That leg took another two hours, and then I walked/biked from the train station, finally arriving a little after 2. Cooking was already underway, but we did decide to take a break and play some American-style football in the park across the street. My team lost 3-5, but it was close at first! Then it was time to get back to the kitchen.


Here I am enjoying Thanksgiving cooking smells. For the number of chefs we had working at the same time, things went really smoothly. Plus, I learned how to make really yummy (if squishy) sweet potatoes!


Here is Elegant Meghan making Elegant Pumpkin... especially her Elegant Right Arm. You can see my yummy (and squishy!) sweet potatoes cooking behind her pot on the stove.


Andrew converted his spacious room into our dining room. It was a little tight, but everyone fit.


And of course, dessert. In addition to pumpkin pie and an apple turnoverish thing, we had the most beautiful - and gigantic - apple pie I've ever seen. There's a couple of kilos of apples in there.


Another Berlin Fulbrigher, Zack from Colgate, who is doing international relations. That's his pie, so due credit! I told him to look like a "happy pie man" for the photo, and this is what he came up with.


The next morning I woke up to a my first German snowfall. This is a view out the window in Andrew's apartment-mate's room, overlooking the park across the street.

We spent Friday wandering around the city and taking in the sights. I missed my family's traditional Friday-after-Thanksgiving shopping spree, but I still managed to get one important part of my Christmas shopping in - a German baby doll for my almost-three-year-old cousin.


The day got a little more gray as snow continued to fall, but we wandered around Berlin anyway. There's a giant tree in front of the Brandenburger Tor, which looks eerily pretty lit from within.


This is definitely my favorite picture. Felix, Jen, Leslie, Andrew, Amanda, and Meghan in front of the Brandenburger Tor.


And here I am, in front of the Reichstag. Maybe when I come back in March I'll finally get to go up in the dome.

We visited a couple of other Berlin Fulbrighters Friday night, watched The Big Lebowski (leider auf Englisch) and went out to a club that night. Then a bunch of us stayed up until 5am talking, which was great.

Saturday morning was a little sluggish, but we did manage to meet up with yet another Berlin Fulbrigher (there must be about a hundred of 'em) for lunch, and then I caught an evening train back to Göttingen.

It's amazing to think that it's already almost December! Seeing the Kiel crew brought me right back to this summer, and we picked up again as if the last couple of months had hardly passed. And yet, I'm flying back to St. Louis in less than three weeks (19 days!!) and two weeks later it's already 2006... and not long - about a month - after that, I'm halfway through my time here. It's definitely not as foundation-shakingly surreal as approaching graduation last year (and my heart goes out to my friends from Kenyon's class of '06, who are rapidly coming to the end of their penultimate semester) and yet, the compression of life-changing transitions that the current year has encompassed is simply unfathomable.

Funny how life works that way, endless changes. And still more to come...

Well, bring it on!

Home sweet home

What I really want to post about is my fabulous trip to Berlin and reunion with Kiel friends for Thanksgiving... but if I do that first I'll never get around to my pictures of Göttingen from last week, and I want to go out and take even more now that the Weihnachtsmarkt is open and all the decorations are up. So, first things first. It's finally starting to feel homey here, which is very nice. I suppose it was hard for me to notice at first, especially since moving out of my host family's house, but I know my way around and the town feels warm (ahem... at least figuratively...) and familiar.

I think the trip to Berlin also served to reinforce the feeling. Biking around in a big city is VERY different. I admire Andrew's ability to navigate traffic (honed to almost superhuman skill, I'm sure, by life in D.C.) but I am humongously relieved to get back to a smaller place! Not only do I feel safer on the road, but I like knowing where streets go, and feeling free to wander a little bit without a panic attack if I get a little lost.

I think it just speaks to my personality; I never once felt claustraphobic in Gambier. I didn't inherit my Dad's perspective on being lost in a city: that it's actually fun, not to mention the best way to learn shortcuts and new routes, or find little-known attractions. Poor Mike has seen firsthand what happens to me when I feel lost, and it's really not pretty. It isn't that I have a bad sense of direction or can't read a map... I just want to have a plan, and know exactly where I'm going and how I can get there at every stage along the way. I was really good at delegating the planning for Cornerstones tour in part because the thought of being solely responsible for our trip filled me with paralyzing dread. Funny then, that I'm on this massive adventure to begin with!

Hmm... Maybe it's really a good thing that I'm forced to exercise my spontaneous, adventuresome side over here. It makes next year in Chicago seem a little less scary. I know that I'm capable of dealing with things like train schedules all by myself... in German, no less... and I'm getting better about forgiving myself for making mistakes.

Anyway, here are some nice views from around Göttingen!


The Gänseliesel platz in front of the Altes Rathaus, with just the beginning stages of decorations for the Wiehnachtsmarkt.


The statue at the Nabel. Nabel literally translates to "belly button," which basically means that this is in the middle of town. (Actually it's a little north, but maybe this was the middle when it was installed?) I'm not sure of the actual title of the piece, but it's also called The Dancers, mostly because if you squint really hard you might think the figures are dancing. They actually appear to be ripping masks off one another's faces, and the child is hanging on to the woman's skirt and seems to be rapping the man across the knees with a fan.


More art: here is the Georg Christoph Lichtenburg statue, which stands in front of the Altes Rathaus. We learned in my vocab class that Lichtenburg was a famous professor of Physics at the University. He was very popular despite his small stature and hunchback; his main contribution seems to have been encouraging professors to publicize their research so interested students could actually find someone they wanted to study with. I still find the German University system hard to navigate, so I guess it's good to know that it was once much worse!


The Aula, where I have choir practice, was built between 1835 and 1837. We meet up on the top floor, at the back of the building.


Wilhelmsplatz, in front of the Aula.


I was just wandering around taking pictures at the Wilhelmsplatz when all of a sudden there were cops everywhere and a protest against atomic waste came through. I think there are protests here all the time, since it's a college town. Last week one of my German teachers told us that she was surprised that so many people came to class, since that night there was a protest against the Studiengebühr (a tuition payment for public universties that Germany is instituting this year, about €1000 a year.) Anyway, the place was suddenly overrun with kids with mowhawks carrying banners and chanting. Wild.


Some street decorations, of which many more have been put up since... and the front of the protest march, with cops on motorcycles keeping the route clear.

Now that the Christmas market is officially underway, I'll have to wander back into town and get some pictures of the festivities. There is even a Christmas-themed merry-go-round! I have some great pictures from Berlin too, so expect those in the near future.

True beauty

Wow, wow, wow. Okay, so I didn't end up going to a party yesterday, but no big deal. I went to the Choir concert at St. Jacobi tonight, the one with the Brahms. It was wonderful! I meant to post some pictures of Göttingen, but I think I'll just gush about this instead.

I was a little worried that I would be late, since I decided at the last minute to walk instead of bike. It's raining, and I was a little dressed up, so I thought it would be easier. It's a little more than a 20 minute walk, and I left at about quarter to 7 for a 7pm concert... Luckily for once German punctuality wasn't the rule, and I got to my seat with a couple minutes to spare.

It opened with organ music, J.S. Bach's Fantasie und Fuge c-moll BWV 537. St. Jacobi is a beautiful church, and I couldn't help but reflect that it's the perfect setting for this kind of music... A great sound, naturally (especially in the middle of the hall where I sat) but it's more than just that. It's a sense of timelessness, and vastness, and grandeur that doesn't need to be overstated because it's just inherent somehow. A cathedral can have the same feeling on an even larger scale, but sometimes the ornateness of it all can be off-putting... and a humongous chamber has it's own particular acoustic issues (*cough cough St. Louis Cathedral Basilica hack wheeze six second delay front to back cough*) but a church like St. Jacobi is always a joy to make music in.

The second piece in the program was Arvo Pärt, Littlemore tractus. The choir at this point was up in the loft, which I thought was perfect. It gave the piece more of an ethereal, angelic quality, which was reflected in the text, by John Henry Newman.

May he support us all the day long, till the shades lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over, and our work is done! Then in his mercy may He give us safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last.

I especially loved the interlude leading into the last phrase.

After that it was another organ piece, Michael Radulescu's Organa aus "Ricercari." I found it very pretty, and for some reason it made me think of exploring a very dense forest... the lower register moved like careful footsteps, and in the upper register ther were lots of quick trilly phrases that seemed just a little bit exotic, like an unfamiliar species of bird.

Then came Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy, Motette: Herr nun lässest du deinen Diener in Frieden fahren. This time the choir was at the front of the church, and I was glad for the chance to see them in action. The program listed 9 sopranos, 8 altos, 5 tenors, and amazingly, 11 basses. They had scores, but it looked like they didn't need them most of the time. What also impressed me was the unity of sound. Cutoffs, consonants, and especially dynamics were consistently sharp, and the quality of phrasing brought back memories of eurhythmics lessons in Rosse hall...

Next was Quatre motets pour un temps de pénitence by Francis Poulenc. The first two movements, Timor et tremor and Vinea mea electa, were good, but it was the third that really blew me away. The Tenebrae factae sunt had some glorious moments, powefully emphasized by the excellent attention to dynamics. It doesn't hurt, of course, that the text is phemomenal. The German translation in the program:

Finsternis brach ein, als die Juden Jesum kreuzigten. Und in der neunten Stunde rief Jesus mit lauter Stimme: Mein Gott, warum hast du mich verlassen? Und neigte das Haupt und gab den Geist auf. Jesus rief mit lauter Stimme und sprach: Vater, in deine Hände empfehle ich meinen Geist.

That's right... the crucifixion. THE moment. The intensity of the music was perfect, and I was stunned. The fourth section, Tristis est anima mea, was also wonderful, comprising Jesus' fortelling of his death to the disciples... although I was still reeling from the third section at that point.

The choir got a bit of a break for the next piece, again for organ. It was Maurice Duruflé, Prelude aus der Suite op.5 and if the previous organ piece made me think of exploring, this one was more like climing a precipitous mountain. Near the end it was as if the climber had reached the peak and was surveying the little tiny world down below, and finally just the barest whiff of a hint of an idea about carefully heading down again.

The choir then sang Peter Cornelius' Requiem nach Hebbel: Seele, vergiß sie nicht. Soul, forget not Death... again, a powerful text.

But the end of the evening, and the piece that I had been waiting for, was of course the Brahms. Motete op. 74/1, Warum ist das Licht gegeben den Mühseligen. I think that it was possibly due to the position of this massive piece at the end of a strenuous program, but unfortunately it seemed rushed to me. Everything was at almost the same tempo, and it all struck me as too fast. Maybe Doc does have a flair for drawing out emotional passages... but the Siehe, wir preisen selig, die erduldet haben section just needs to be slower than the Die Geduld Hiob... To my mind it took quite a bit of the wind out of the und das Ende des Herrn habt ihr gesehen; denn der Herr ist barmherzig und ein Erbarmer. The end of that section was always the absolute peak of the song for me, the moment of rapturous grace, followed by the beautiful and peaceful text from Martin Luther. The transition itself is meaningful, taking that God-infused point and guiding us to holding on to God's love even outside of the moments of epiphany, bringing Him into our everyday, mundane lives. It exhorts the listener to trust in God even when our human foibles get in the way.

Mit Fried und Freud ich fahr dahin,
in Gottes Willen,
Getrost ist mir mein Herz und Sinn,
sanft und stille.
Wie Gott mir verheißen hat:
der Tod ist mir Schlaf worden.

In the end the piece was still powerful to me and laden with meaning, but I'd love the chance to hear the choir perform it when they weren't already exhausted!

Sigh. It was a wonderful night, whatever silly complaints I may have. Hopefully I'll get around to posting my great Göttingen pictures before I leave for Berlin on Thursday! If not, happy Thanksgiving!

And more pictures!

And here's part two!

As promised, here are photos from my trip to Berlin. Was that more than a month ago already?? First and foremost, the Brandenburger Tor, or Brandenburg gate. And yes, I saw it from both sides.

Did I mention that I saw the Regierungsviertel the day before Merkel was officially announced as the next chancellor? Unfortunately I only got to see the outside of the buildings, but it was still a neat time to visit.

From the other side. I'd love to go to the top of the dome! I'm hopefully going back to Berlin next weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving with my friends from Kiel, so maybe I can make time to do a little more sightseeing!

And finally: Studentendorf! First and formeost, the window. For whatever reason it is constantly covered in condensation, and when I leave the heater running it gets a little tropical in here... probably should see the administration about that one. Otherwise it's nice.

And the other end of the bed. Not a very big room, but then again I only have so much stuff! Normally this kind of situation would plunge me into full on belongings-accumulation mode, but so far I've tried to show some restraint. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up!

And here is my little sink-nook. It is inhabited currently by my toothbrush, towel, and approximately 180 billion spiders. I have no idea why they like this particular space so much, but at the moment they're staying on the ceiling so we have an uneasy truce going... at least until I find a vaccum cleaner with a hose attachement.

And finally, the other corner, with desk etc. No desk lamp, unfortunately, since I still can't get the one that came with the room to attach anywhere but at the head of my bed. Otherwise, it's a nice little space. Since taking the first round of pictures I've managed to personalize it a little more with what I'd like to call "The Post-it Wall ver. 2.0" (see below.)

Anyone who has seen the wall above my bed in St. Louis knows about my particular brand of filing system. At Kenyon I tried to keep it to my desk and usually had enough wall decoration that it didn't get out of hand... but with all the empty wall space here, I'm reverting to old habits. It's just a start, but hopefully by the end of the year it will be just as impressive as the first version. Here are my current favorites, and both are already vital for my day-to-day functioning:

Oh, and I almost forgot! I promised actual content with this post, now didn't I?

I did go see the play last Friday night. It was... different. The set was minimalist with an actual budget, which is to say already way cooler than whatever we had at Rosati... Okay, that's not hard to do. I'm not sure if I can say that the set and costumes were "modern" per se, but they certainly weren't period. On the upside, I was able to follow the dialogue fairly easily. The thing that really struck me as odd, however, was that the director tried to play the show for laughs. I'm sure plenty of people laugh at the overwrought pathos of The Crucible as it is normally portrayed, particularly when it is filled with screaming, overacting high school girls... but that's a little different from throwing in a game of heavy-metal musical chairs between Parris and Hale at the top of the second act, or morphing Dansforth into an MTV VJ for the girls' fashion-runway enterance during the trial scene. Modern audiences already stuggle with understanding the characters' motivations in this piece, so why throw in nonsensical frivolity? That said, the actors still seemed to have a decent grip on the intensity of the story, so I still enjoyed it.

Last weekend the Choir sang our Bach Cantata at a church service. St. Nikolai is Evangelical, so the service was a little different from what I've been exposed to at the Catholic churches over here. That in itself was kind of neat, and luckily I've picked up enough of the Our Father to be able to mumble along a little bit, which came in handy. The music went well enough, although I felt afterwards that I had sung much better in rehearsal than the actual performance. The alto and tenor soloists (ringers, not choir members) were decent, although with the hall setup it was hard for me to hear them. I'm glad we're done with the piece and can focus on some of the other works for our other concerts, which quite frankly I like much better.

This week in the lab has been pretty good. I'm feeling a little better about my technique after finally running a couple of gels on my own... I still have plenty of guidance, of course, but it's a nice feeling of independence nonetheless. I'm starting to accumulate stacks of articles again, which is not as overwhelming as it's been in the past. A good sign.

German classes are going well, and despite the time required I'm glad I have them. The other students in my dorm have complemented my speaking ability on a couple of occasions, and seem genuinely suprised when I tell them I only studied it for two years at college... But I also point out that I've been here for a few months now, and that my intensive course at the beginning made a world of difference.

Neuro classes... ahem. Neuro classes are currently at 8:15 in the morning on Mondays and Thursdays. I'm still interested in the lectures (membrane physiology at the moment) but I've been having the darndest time getting out the door before 8... and with no one checking up on my attendance, and no credit for the course, and the knowledge that I'll have to take lots of intro next year anyway... No, no, let's not beat around the bush here. I'm lazy and it's cold so I'm skipping class. Simple as that. BOTH this week, one last week. I'm feeling a little conflicted about it, but surprisingly only a little. The fact of the matter is that the lectures seem to be merely supplements for the lab rotations, methods courses, tutorials, and seminars that make up the meat of the program... and I'm not in the program. As nice as it is to hear some science, I get that in the lab all day. Anyway, maybe I'll start going again when I want to hear some different science, to branch out a little. Or when I find myself physically able to get out of bed before 7:30. Whichever comes first.

Speaking of class, I'm off to my last one of the week. I've been invited to my first student party this weekend, so hopefully there's good stuff to come!

Pictures!!

Look, I've finally gotten around to posting, this time with visual aids!

Why, my goodness! If it isn't Flora Fahrrad! Pretty, isn't she? Now that I have regular internet access for Janet (my laptop, for those of you that don't know) I can finally post some of the pictures I've been taking! Maybe this will also encourage me to start taking more, since I've been rather lax about it for a while. In this installment of the blog: Photos from my room at the Krebs's and exploring St. Jacobi.

And here it is, my own little tiny room (which was still bigger than my room here!) These are from the first day, so I hadn't yet hung half my wardrobe behind the door or stuck my giant map and Fulbright scarf to the wall...

My desk, without internet access but still a nice place to work.

And here we have the beautiful St. Jacobi, in the heart of lovely downtown Göttingen.

And the inside too, for good measure.

And yes, I actually did climb the bell tower. Here's proof!

I have other shots of all the rickety staircases and such, but I should save something to bring home and show off, or my family will have to look at the same old boring pictures!

Next time: My trip to Berlin and my new room, as well as some actual update content!

Busy busy

I just came to the jarring realization that it's been more than a week since my last post! And quite a week, at that. I moved into my dorm last Friday night, had a weekend of choir rehearsal, got set up and went shopping, went out to dinner... Tonight I'm going to the theater and this weekend the Choir has its first performance!

I was actually not too happy with the move at first, since I really liked living with the Krebs family. Add to that the fact that I spend an entire weekend at choir and didn't have time to set up my room and buy food until the third day there... It was a nasty couple of days in a completely bare room with nothing to eat but bread and cheese.

Not that I spent that much time there, or I could have done something about it! Last Saturday I was at choir from 9:30 am to 9:30 pm! We had a couple of short breaks, and an hour for lunch, and the last couple hours were spent watching the director's cut of Amadeus (which was great,) but we still managed to get in lots of rehearsing. We finally got around to starting the Lacrimosa section of the Requiem, which I'll freely admit is way cooler in its original form than the SSA arrangement we did in high school (which I was in love with anyway at the time.) Sunday was a little lighter. We met again at 9:30, but we were done by 2:30.

I finally had time to put stuff on my walls and unpack my suitcases! Unfortunately, shops are closed here on Sundays, so no groceries.

Monday, as always, was nuts. Neuro lecture in the morning, lab during the day, two german classes and choir again at night. Tuesday I only have one evening class, so after that I finally stocked the larder. Pasta, more bread, nutella, vegetables... But instead of bringing my big backpack, I only had the small one and a couple of smaller canvas bags. Luckily almost everything fit, and I strapped the bags reasonably well into my bike basket, tucked a basil plant between them and set off, with a small sack of bread in my hand and purse over my shoulder.

I've never successfully ridden a bicycle while holding something before, so by the time I got back to the dorm I was pretty proud of myself for not wiping out. Unfortunately the process of getting off the bike proved to be a little too complex, and I dropped the bread. Twice. The second time the plastic bag popped open and my brötchen were all over the pavement. Oops. I checked them over, brushed them off and tucked them back into what was left of the bag, and hauled all my stuff inside to the kitchen to put it away. At that point I discovered something else...

There were two tomatoes in my sack. Of the five I bought. Must've hit a bump back there somewhere...

Luckily that's all that was missing... and now I know for next time!

Wednesday night I skipped my german classes and went out for dinner with the Krebs'. I ate half a duck! The food was great, especially the cinammon ice cream for dessert.

Yesterday I made pasta, and it turned out decently well. I went a little heavy on the onion and garlic... but it's nice to know I can feed myself.

Tonight is Hexenjagd, so I need to bike up to Weende. First, though, I'm heading into town to see if I can get a ticket for a concert next Sunday night. As soon as I saw the poster on Monday, I knew I had to see this:

Sorry it's a bit blurry... but I think the important part is readable. That's right, chamber singers and cs alums, St. Jacobi's choir is doing the Brahms! And I get to be in the audience!! Woohoo! That afternoon the uni choir is performing our Bach cantata at another local church, so it promises to be another musical weekend. I can't wait!

Another cool thing that I learned this week, just to come full circle: My lab is on Von-Siebold-Straße. There was a Dr. von Siebold who lived in Göttingen way back when. This guy had a daughter, Agathe. She was a soprano, and she was engaged to Brahms. He didn't go through with it, but he did write her a sextet with her name spelled musically, A-G-A-D-B-A. (H is German for B-natural.) Pretty neat! The history just crops up all over the place over here!

NEWS FLASH!

My cousin is engaged!! How fabulous is that? (Answer: really truly awesomely frickin' fabulous!)

Especially since there's a video of the whole thing...

Sarah and I are the oldest of our particular generation of cousins in my family, and since she's got a year on me it's only fair that she will be married before I am... but I hope she waits at least until I'm back in the country (hint hint: July 15, 2006) so I can personally congratulate the happy couple!

Short

• I found my bike helmet. Yay!
• I still haven't moved yet, but I've got tomorrow and Friday off so it's in the works.
• I finally found the Neurosciences Vorlesung!! I heard two lectures this week (Invertebrate Nervous Systems and Aminergic Systems) and it's pretty awesome. The program students seem friendly, and grad-level lectures are fun.
• I have internet access set up in my dorm room, and my light isn't broken. It just has to be turned on both at the wall switch and on the lamp itself. Good to know.
• I have hours and hours of choir practice this weekend, all day Saturday and half the day Sunday. I'll be mute or squeaky Monday, but I can't wait!
• I get to observe my first chicken embryo dissection this afternoon, so the ball is finally rolling in lab!

So maybe it's nothing humongously exciting... but all in all I'm finally starting to feel a little settled. It's a great feeling!

Taking my time

It comes to the end of the weekend... and I'm still living in Weende. Haven't begun packing. And Monday I have a full schedule. Hmm...

In other news, I can get internet access in my dorm room set up on Tuesday night. I've already paid for it (not to mention the fact that I've paid rent for a room I'm not using for the past month.) It's a five minute walk from the lab and a five to ten minute bike ride to the center of town.

So why am I still here? Why am I dragging my heels? Is it the free breakfasts and dinners? Am I afraid of independence? (Is that such a bad thing?)

The last week has been decent, with only a couple of glitches. Such as: I still haven't managed to make it to a lecture... and I can't find my helmet... and my bike broke.

I'm not especially worried about the first on the list. I know I have a place in the Neuro class, and I'll assume for now that getting lost/going to the wrong place/finally going to the right place at the right time only to once again find an empty classroom... is simply a string of bad luck. So I missed some interesting topics (I actually was close to tears at missing the Neuroplasticity lecture) but since every block starts fresh I can't actually say I'm behind.

As for my bike helmet, I think I know where it is. I spent Friday morning trying to track it down after I left it in my writing class Thursday night as I rushed to meet with another Fulbrighter in Göttingen. It didn't help that when I finally got to the building in which my class is held, my old trouble came back... with every bike I've ever owned, it's the same thing: shifting gears is the bane of my existance. With my crap $50 Wal-Mart Special at Kenyon I blamed the technology, and learned to carry around a little tool to yank the chain back onto the gear every couple of miles... but with Flora? It must be me. The one advantage with Flora is that she rolls even with the chain stuck, rather than the back wheel sticking too, forcing me to physically carry my bike around until I fix it.

Anyway, back to the story. I decided to check out the classroom, which was of course locked. On Friday morning. I had no idea who to ask about getting in, so I decided to walk to the Lektorat and see if my writing teacher had rescued my helmet. On the way I saw my grammar teacher, so I stopped to ask if she'd heard anything. Nope. And she didn't think that the writing teacher was in that day... but she did know of a bike shop in the vicinity.

So, let's get things set to rights! Except that when I get there (only got a little lost on the way) they told me it would be €10, and they'd have to keep Flora until Monday night. I could come pick her up in the half hour between my German classes. Sigh. I decided to go for it, since I don't own any tools and the guy also said he'd fix it so the chain didn't over-shift anymore.

So I walked to the Lektorat, and bumped into my writing teacher. She hadn't seen a bike helmet, and the teachers had had a conference that night... the teacher from the class immediately after in that room hadn't mentioned anything about finding anything. But... the building had a guy who could let me in to check out the classroom. I should go talk to him.

I walked back to the first building and checked out the office. No helpful guy with keys, just a secretary lady who hadn't recieved any lost and found items.

Me, in German: Could I possibly see the classroom?
Secretary lady, auf Deutsch, natürlich: No, not today. But you have to come back Monday for class anyway, right?
Me, still in German: Oh, right. Okay.
Inside my head, in English: Argh! What is with these people and their obsessive objection to opening a locked door for a couple minutes?? Are they that busy? How the heck do you say "My bike broke down on the way here and it's a 45 minute walk home, so you'd better damn well take five minutes out of your day to find a way to unlock the frickin' door so this entire morning isn't a waste of my time, energy, and money!"
Me, in German: Thanks.

Nearly an hour later I get back to Weende and have tea with Christina and Oma. When I explain what happened to my bike, Christina was incredulous. She insisted that we go pick it up, called to tell the shop we were coming, and assembled a few tools with which to fix it when we got there.

The only problem was that the chain turned out to be really well stuck, so I ended up having to walk Flora back to Weende anyway... but I saved €10 and Christina told me about a better shop that does repairs on the fly, should I need their services in the future. Or of course I could always use her and Wolfgang's tools. I ended up feeling a little silly, but no harm done.

We also visited my future room to see what I need to buy. Curtains, for one thing, especially since it's on the ground floor. I also learned that the provided clip-on desk lamp is completely stupid and cannot physically be attached to the desk, and that the light over my sink is already burned out. And my room smells ever-so-faintly of smoke. And it's frickin' tiny... but that I already knew.

It's not a total hell-hole... but neither is is particularly nice.

Maybe that's why I haven't packed yet. It's actually homey here. And it doesn't smell like smoke.

Then there's the rest of the weekend. When I should have been putting everything in my suitcases, I instead had adventures with the Krebses. Saturday was crazy. There was a big NPD demonstration in Göttingen. The NPD is a rather-far-right-wing party, and, at least in this generally leftish academic town, not very well liked. Their platform is pro-German (and anti-outsider... so does that mean me?) and possibly has ties to the neo-Nazi movement. Supposedly they like to assemble here precisely because it's a leftish university town, and of course the students arranged a protest counter-demonstration. The police were out in force to keep the peace and preserve the NPD demonstraters' right to do their thing... and not just Göttingen police. There were vans and ambulances EVERYWHERE from all over the country, and huge numbers of cops in green uniforms barricading the streets where the march took place, apparently at a huge cost to the state. It seemed like half of downtown was blocked off. Christina and I biked down to check it out, and we saw one of the march protesters get arrested for being too rowdy about 20 feet away. We met up with Wolfgang and he said that the demonstraters had put together their own barricades and a big pile of trash at an intersection to the east of town, and then set it on fire. The whole street was black and the smell will probably be around for at least a week. The demonstration was supposed to last until 7pm, but the participants were asked to leave town a little early, what with the destruction of proprerty and all.

After the marchers went by, we found a way into the center of town and ate ice cream while listening to street musicians. Shops were doing business as usual, and you'd never know anything was going on just a few blocks north. Then we biked south of town to the garden. It's pretty common in Germany for a family to own a small fenced-in plot of land, especially if they live in a city. There is a small backyard at the house, but the garden has plenty of space for flowers and vegetables, plus a little furnished hut. Lots of families have gardens at the same place, and the couple across the way are friends of Wolfgang and Christina's, so we had cakes and coffee (and tea for me) together. Then we worked a little bit, mowing the grass, trimming a tree, and planting.

That night we had pizza and watched The Firm auf Deutsch, and the first half of an old Bond film, Moonraker, which was absolutely hilarious. Today I got an extra hour of sleep (yay!) and afterwards went to an art gallery opening with Wolfgang and Christina. There was interesting work from a couple of young Berlin artists, a mostly decent band, and a speech about the works that was pretty incomprehensible. I could plead language barrier twice in this case, since I haven't taken an art class since high school... but really, I wasn't paying attention. Other than a general interest in music and film/theater, I am unfortunately not much of an appreciator of the fine arts. Maybe it stems from a couple of bad experiences in art class... that time in a grade school summer program when my instructor poured orange and red and yellow paint all over my intentionally blue sculpture to "make it more interesting," or at MSA when the teacher asked me if the body of the ceramic frog I was sculpting was supposed to be a uterus, or maybe missing tech week rehearsals of Tom Jones at Rosati because I was put on academic probation after turning in my sketchbook a day late when said day just happened to be midquarters... at any rate, I don't particularly mind going to museums and gallery openings... and we'll just leave it at that.

Afterwards we biked to Weende-nord (even further away from Göttingen than the part of the village where we live) and had coffee (and tea) and cakes with another couple who are friends of the Krebs'. So... I haven't packed, I haven't done my German homework for tomorrow... but I'm happy, and I find that I like being dragged along to social occasions. I still think that I need to move soon, if only for access to Skype and my internet messaging programs.

But... maybe I'll wait until I'm good and ready.

In the right direction

I decided yesterday to punk out on my plan to take developmental bio auf Deutsch... and I couldn't be happier. For starters, I've been invited to sit in on the Neurosciences grad program lectures. What I didn't realize before was that this entails a block schedule in which each week covers a new topic... and the lecture times and places also change accordingly. I may have to miss a few or do some creative scheduling to have enough time in lab, but I think I can make it work.

The lectures are in English, and all of the topics are really cool! This week: Motor Systems and Neuroplasticity. (I think it's going to be kind of like intro Neuro at Kenyon, only WAY more intensive and detailed.) I don't get to sit in on seminars, methods courses, or tutorials, but that's fine by me since I'll get all that next year in grad school, and I'm learning plenty of new methods right now in lab. The only other drawback is that I missed the first two weeks plus this morning's class... but since the topics change I don't think it's really possible to fall behind.

In other news, my German ability is holding steady... yesterday morning I learned that I placed into Mittlestufe at the Lektorat. I can take up to three classes per semester, so last night I tried Wortschatzübungen I and Grammatik I. Both classes had about 40 people in the room! It's a far cry from the personal attention we got in Kiel. So I'll have three hours of class on Monday and Wednesday night... and tonight I'm trying Schreiben I, so that's an hour and a half on Tuesday and Thursday. I may end up dropping a course if it turns out to be too heavy of a load, but right now I'm really excited about it.

The way things are laid out right now, I think Mondays are going to be kind of crazy. Looking through the Neuro schedule, I almost always have a couple hours of lecture bright and early in the morning. Then lab in the afternoon and two German classes at night... and then choir rehearsal from 8:15 to 10!

But if yesterday was a long day even without morning classes, a musical nightcap was the saving grace. Once we started singing, I couldn't stop smiling. Even though I was totally exhausted, I felt a humongous surge of energy. We worked on Saint-Saëns' Oratorio de Noël, Bach's Cantata BWV 48, and of course the Mozart Requiem... and even without getting to the gorgeous Lacrimosa, I couldn't help but feel buoyed by the whole experience. I suppose I should point out some of the main differences I noticed from Chamber Singers... For one, the choir is bigger. I'd estimate about 80 singers, two-thirds of which are women, naturally. Still, the men held their own. The Bass section definitely benefits from the inclusion of some older members. And did I mention that I'm suddenly a Sop? (Okay, after two years of Carolyn, my voice teacher, constantly telling me not to be afraid to use my high range... I guess I should have seen it coming!) Still, two hours was more than a little strenuous.

Warm-ups were unfortunately short, and I don't think I quite understood the explanations in German, so I wasn't exactly able to make the most of it. Maybe I need to take a few minutes beforehand to make sure I'm ready... although I'll be coming straight from class, so we'll see how that works!

As far as sight-singing is concerned, between sitting in sections and being directed from the piano I totally have it made. So maybe this year I won't make any more progress with my fear of reading... but at least I'll learn the music quickly! With only one rehearsal a week I'm pretty sure the group always performs with score in hand, so that's easier too... although I'm sure the group sensitivity to direction will be nowhere near what we accomplished in CS, even pre-tour.

Speaking of sitting in sections... we learned parts sitting. Trying to hit the high notes, I found that even more strenuous than standing. (Maybe I'd feel differently if we'd stood for two straight hours...) I'm not sure if the arrangement is just for now or if it will always be this way. I like sections at the beginning, but if we never mix I think I'll find it a little frustrating. Even yesterday I noticed that the other parts were miles away and I couldn't really enjoy the interplay between the lines. Plus I couldn't hear myself at all in a sea of soprano... unless I fell into old habits and let some vibrato through, and then I stuck out like a sore thumb. Gonna have to watch that...

Still, I'm looking forward to next week's rehearsal. It's wonderful to have music again!

Okay, time for a quick lunch and then my first Neuro lecture!

It's a Beautiful Day

Yay for going to church!

I've been feeling so humongously stressed lately (see recent posts... almost every single one involves a ginormous venting session.) Sometimes I feel a little better when I focus on tiny details and shut out everything else, like lab stuff, language, or my writing style... but that's a temporary fix, at best. And when the details don't go exactly right, I've got nowhere to turn.

So it hit me yesterday that my approach has been all wrong. Being self-centered and anal only breeds discontent. Even if it's not the most comfortable thing in the world when everything around me feels foreign and "other," I have to make an effort to see the bigger picture.

Today's gospel reading was Jesus' elucidation of the most important rules: devote yourself entirely to God, and love your neighbor as yourself. Simple, yet infinitely challenging. The first is at the heart of every believer's personal struggle, and is always worthy of consideration. The second, though, was the one that struck me today. I've never felt that I was a particularly closed-minded person, but constantly feeling like an outsider in a new place has me on my guard. But why am I afraid? Nothing seriously bad has happened to me here, and even things that could go horribly wrong have turned out okay.

I need to re-learn how to put my trust in the right place... and let it rest there. Being detail-oriented may be a huge benefit in the lab, but in real life it's only a distraction. So what if I don't know all the answers? So what if culture and language are a little different and life feels unfamiliar? I'm at home, because I have my God.

I still have to struggle with Heimweh, especially for the people I care about. But this is something I've dealt with before, both in St. Louis and in Ohio. Plus I have Christmas to look forward to...

So I'll carry on. And hopefully, I won't lose sight of the big picture.

A dollar short...

Maybe I'm completely spoiled, but I've spent the morning channelling Warren Zevon.

Poor, poor pitiful me...

Yes, having a key to the Psych building all last year was a special indulgence. I don't expect 24-hour access here. But what kind of academic institution locks the buildings up on during daylight hours when school is in session?? Even on a Saturday, folks need to get stuff done. Especially me, because I'm forgetful and didn't think to go check out my test results at the Lektorat when they were posted Friday.

It doesn't help that it's raining today. On a positive note, I think I finally found the building where the Monday Biology lecture is held. I couldn't get in to locate the actual hall, but at least I'm on the right track.

Then I rode down to the old Klinik environs, which happen to house the Lektorat. The door was locked there too, but there were lights on inside and through the window I could just make out what looked like a list of names on the bulletin board. There was also a doorbell. Wonderful!

Except not. The lady that opened the door was not particularly thrilled to see me, even in my sunny yellow rain slicker. I got as far as "Entschuldigung, gibt es eine Liste.." before she cut me off and informed me that the building was locked and I'd have to come back Monday. Right, Monday, the day the classes start. I have the whole Lektorat course of study in my backpack, but it does me absolutely no good if I don't know which ones I'm eligible for. Plus, that morning from 8 to 11 I'm attempting to get into two other regular lecture classes a week late, and I'm in the lab that afternoon. Piece of cake, Monday.

I managed to stammer out that I understood before she shut the door in my face. Didn't have the wherewithal, not to mention linguistic capacity, to plead my case. It started raining harder. Sigh.

Someone, somewhere, does not want me to be a student this semester.

Fix and more

Eugh, sorry about the ugly whatever-the-heck line break code in the last post! I think it was a leftover from composing in Word, transfering to another computer with an older version of Word, and copy-pasting into Blogger through Firefox instead of my usual trusty Internet Explorer. I'm not sure which step is the actual culprit, but I'll be on my guard next time.

Anyway, it's all better now and has also jogged my memory a little. Yesterday I was ranting a little bit about writing conventions. The italics problem isn't fully solved, but I've decided to rely a little more on SHOUTING and boldface text, at least where emotional emphasis is concerned. (And I still fully believe that multiple exclamation points are a sure sign of a diseased mind!!!!)

As for indicating internal monologue and language shifts, I'm toying with the idea of cutesy HTML tags. Sure, I'm a total poseur and actually know very little about HTML. Not to mention the fact that I've only seen one person pull them off successfully, and then only in the context of an IM or away message. But it gets the gist across quickly and is less distracting than section breaks. So maybe from now on < Deutsch>Hi, my name is Alaina< /Deutsch> means "Hallo, ich heiße Alaina" in the real world. Maybe just the letter D instead of the whole word? Eh, worth a try.

Anybody who actually knows HTML... if I have to add a space anyway to make the code show up, could it still possibly screw with anyone's ability read the blog? If I'm attempting to clarify things, that would be a shame.

Obviously I don't have nearly enough to do to fill my time. Maybe I should take some classes or something.

Musings of the day

I’ve decided that in the German University system, students are viewed as an unfortunate side effect of the academic process.

This may also be true in the US, but at least there we are also a major source of revenue.

In Germany, however, many institutions of higher education charge no tuition. True, in most places there is a nominal fee per semester (in Göttingen I have to pay €93 plus some odd change) and many schools are considering going over to a tuition-based system (albeit for much less money than, say, Kenyon College.) But that hasn’t happened yet, and as a rule, students here can get a valuable education very cheaply.

There are trade-offs, however. My recent struggles with obtaining a student ID are a case in point. Offices are understaffed and, by and large, overworked. Every single semester, 25,000 people have to use one of four picture-taking terminals and stand in one line to receive a new, updated ID card. (That’s right, I have to go through this process again next semester.)

Maybe that’s a big school/little school thing, too. And yet, something tells me there’s more to it.

A personal academic advisor is a foreign concept. No wonder it sometimes takes people 6 or 7 years to get through undergrad.

And then there’s signing up for classes. Yes, I finally found a couple that seem interesting. And yes, I missed the first week’s worth due to minor preoccupations like getting my life in order.

On one side of the coin, that’s not really a problem. To register for a class, you just go. If you pass the final exam, the professor hands you what is basically a receipt and when you have enough of the right ones for a particular course of study you can graduate. A prof can kick you out for bad attendance, but with lectures of 100-200 people you’re unlikely to get caught skipping a few times.

On the other side, you’d think it would be hard to hide a gigantic lecture hall in a city of this size. And you’d be wrong. My potential “Allgemeine Entwicklungs- und Zellbiologie” course (that’s general developmental and cell bio) is held twice a week. So far after a few hours with a map, an address, my bike, and a heart full of hope, I’ve only managed to find one of the two lecture halls in which it is held. Wednesday morning in the back corner of the geology building, no problem… but as for Monday? I think I found the right street, but I might just have to pray that I’ll get shuffled into the right hall with the flow of traffic. Whatever happened to labeling buildings? Floor plans? Actually useful online maps?

The other course I’m interested in is Neurosciences Vorlesung (neuro lecture) which is held in English through the international graduate program. An intro level grad course? In my native tongue, no less? Sounds just about right! Today I woke up early and tried to get into the class. For this one I had it all planned out: scoped the locale the day before, and everything. What could go wrong?

So I showed up, all excited to finally get my stuff in order and have my very first graduate level class… and the hall is empty. Another student, a psych major from Kassel, was there for the same reason. The building secretary (luckily, the Max Planck Institute for Experimental Medicine building has a secretary!) was as mystified as we were. It’s a team-taught course, so she called one of the lecturers on behalf of the other student. (At this point, I’m just observing, since I’m even more scared of talking on the phone in German than I am of talking in German generally.) Apparently it caps out at 20 people and the course is already closed.

Bis schade. Dejectedly, I make my way to the lab and tell Hermann the story. He’s mystified too… apparently he taught a corollary tutorial for this very course last year, and it’s never been capped before. He advised me to check the seminar room back at the MPI building in case it’s going on there, and indicated that my case might be more viable since I’m only here for a year, I’m technically a bio major, and for gosh sakes I have a Fulbright.

So back, said hi to the secretary, got mildly lost again looking for the (of course empty) seminar room… and at this point I tell myself, eh, screw it, let’s talk on the phone in German.

Back to helpful secretary, and I ask if she’ll call for me. Apparently I didn’t make it very clear who I wanted to call, and she got the idea that some other prof whom she didn’t know very well was involved in the course by dint of his hanging around. So she dialed him up and handed me the phone. I pled my case, apologized for the language errors, and asked what to do next. He was very nice. No, your German isn’t that bad at all… but I’m not sure what I can do to help. I hand the phone back, confused, and try to explain that I wanted to call the other guy who apparently has somethig to do with the class. Didn’t quite come across, and the secretary informs the nice random guy on the phone that maybe we can try the exchange again in English. Sigh. Just to make sure, I ask again, in English, if he knows how I can get into the course. He has no idea, he’s just some biochemist.

So no go. But I was persistent. Please, could you call the professor the other girl spoke with? This time it worked, and soon I was yet again explaining myself auf Deutsch. The course is still technically closed… but since you’re an international student, and you have a grant… send me a short e-mail and I’ll see what I can do.

Woohoo! Profuse thanks, and I hung up the phone.

Umm… who is this guy, again? And where can I find his e-mail address?

Actually I’m starting to get the hang of the Uni website, and I think I looked the right guy up. Hopefully by next week I’ll know whether or not I can join the class… and maybe even where and when it actually meets!

I also find out tomorrow what level of Deutschkurs I get to take at the Lektorat. After poor Andrew’s story about getting busted all the way back down to Grundstufe (highest frickin’ functioning Grundstufe student I ever met!) I have my doubts. I suspect that the levels aren’t at all equivalent across different Bundeslände anyway, so at least that’s a consolation if the same happens to me.

*****

Can we talk about writing conventions for a minute?

(Yes, that’s rhetorical. I’m fully aware of the irony.)

It has come to my attention rereading some of the posts here that I’m running short on textual markers. Italics can mean, in a single post and sometimes in a single paragraph, any and all of the following: emphasis, inner monologue, quote, poem or song lyric, me speaking German, someone else speaking German. It makes sense to me when I write it, but I have no idea if the contextual backdrop provides significant clarification.

And don’t even get me started on inconsistent verb tenses in narrative. At this point, I’m resigned to the fact that I have a problem. I know it exists, but there’s little or nothing I can do about it.

Oh, and here’s another use for italic script dropping right into my lap… imagined responses from the peanut gallery.

Come now, you’re writing a blog here, not a novella. “Almost” being an English major at Kenyon College is no justification for petty whining over stylistic conventions. When your mother reads this she’ll think you’re being silly… or just weird.

Wow, the peanut gallery is getting personal today.

And yet I do think that there is potential value in an examination of style, even if it is just a blog. I spend enough time online to find stuff that’s really good. Lileks’ “Bleats” for example, are well written and enjoyable. He’s a professional, of course… But I don’t think it’s silly of me to want to emulate decent writing. If only to appease the tiny, curmudgeonly editor inside my head. It’s the least I can do… he has to go have a stiff drink every time I unwittingly switch verb tenses.