Common Sense

I'm no Thomas Paine, but the title applies. Let me tell you about a little adventure I had yesterday...

So I was utilizing the goods and services of the local movie rental outfit (shall remain nameless, rhymes with "clockduster.") By the way, the "new" anti-late fees campaign is a scam. All new releases have been reduced to two-day rentals, which are included in the week-long "grace period" during which late returns are not penalized... but after noon on day 7, the consumer is required to pony up an additional $12 and buy the movie. That's right, you accidentally forget that you grabbed "Phenomenon" or some other badly-written snoozer, and now you OWN it, for a grand total of $15 including the rental cost. This is NOT a better deal. In fact, for most of the movies in the store, it's outrageous. But anyway, end of rant, on to the story.

I'm in line with "I [heart] huckabees," looking forward to a nice evening at Mike's house. The new checkout jockey is kind of cute, so when he asks if I'd be interested in hearing about the rewards program I automatically nod and "mhmm" affirmatively. He gives his little spiel: free rental after 5 paid, free coupons, one free rental a month automatically... hmm, he seems kind of new at this, and I haven't seen him before... more encouraging noises and semi-unconscious head bobbing. It gets to the upshot, and he asks if I'd be interested in enrolling.

Nowhere, and let me reiterate, NOWHERE in the spiel is a word said about cost. Neither anywhere on the pretty brochure I'm handed. Probably company policy. Part of me figures that it's got to cost something, but at this point he's ringing me out and signing me up (um, does that sound wierd? Never mind.) I've got a five in my hand for a three-dollar rental, when what pops up on the screen but $12.94. Grr. Back in the wallet for another ten. At least I get coupons and a snazzy new card out of this, I guess. As I hand over the money, checkout cutie flashes me a look that's half "deer-in-headlights-the-jig-is-up" and half "getting away with it," which momentarily puzzles me... ah yes, handing over money. Pay. Get change. Exit. I'll just gut it out, take the coupons, and chalk it up to experience.

Then it hits me. I WON'T be getting coupons. My parents will, which they will either pitch or save until they all expire, because I will be in out of the country as of August 11. Okay, the store may be franchised to Göttingen, but am I going to buy a VCR or DVD player and TV while I'm over there, and stay in my apartment watching movies? I doubt it.

And then... I see the print on the little cardboard thing the card is attached to... "for a low annual fee." Ay, there's the rub. I've just spent $10 on a yearlong service I can't even use. AND I'm on their mailing list. Ah, craptastic.

When I return the movie I'm going to ask for my money back. I haven't punched the card, the two (2) keyring tags, or first free rental token out of the plastic backing, so I think I may have a case. But blast it all, now that I'm on the system I bet they'll still send me junk mail. Hmm... they'll send my parents junk mail. Oh well.

In short, don't be fooled by cute clerks. There's no such thing as a free lunch, and sometimes that little voice in the back of my head is the voice of common sense. I should start listening.