I swore up and down last year that I'd never do this again... and yet, here I am at the end of a quasi-all-nighter, gazing happily at my poster and powerpoint for the Berlin meetings a little over a week from now. At 4:30 in the morning. When I have to be in lab early tomorrow. My body has gotten to the trembly stage I learned to recognize during my college career as a cry for sleep, but for whatever reason I'm still here, tweaking and editing.
I must be a masochist. I'm happy right now in a way I haven't been in months. Maybe it's Wir Sind Helden's Nur Ein Wort jamming away on iTunes... maybe it's the subconscious realization that I'm almost done for the night... maybe I've finally hit delusion. Some wierd part of me really gets off on skimming through well-read articles, typing away, getting my words and my work in a form fit for the world to see. And somehow the fact that it's night makes it better; it's quiet and dark and I can almost imagine that the rest of the world doesn't exist, just me and my writing.
Ironically, everyone I know at home is probably awake and in the middle of their day. The lights may be low but I fill the silence with music. And I wouldn't be writing a post at all if I were the only person in the world... but the contradictions make it more interesting and more fun, somehow.
I think I've hit rambling, if not completely delusional. Probably should sleep, and let the amyloid beta theory of Alzheimers pathology write my dreams...
I must be a masochist. I'm happy right now in a way I haven't been in months. Maybe it's Wir Sind Helden's Nur Ein Wort jamming away on iTunes... maybe it's the subconscious realization that I'm almost done for the night... maybe I've finally hit delusion. Some wierd part of me really gets off on skimming through well-read articles, typing away, getting my words and my work in a form fit for the world to see. And somehow the fact that it's night makes it better; it's quiet and dark and I can almost imagine that the rest of the world doesn't exist, just me and my writing.
Ironically, everyone I know at home is probably awake and in the middle of their day. The lights may be low but I fill the silence with music. And I wouldn't be writing a post at all if I were the only person in the world... but the contradictions make it more interesting and more fun, somehow.
I think I've hit rambling, if not completely delusional. Probably should sleep, and let the amyloid beta theory of Alzheimers pathology write my dreams...
2 comments:
Delirious sounds like the most likely candidate to me...:-P
It's the writer in you. You're happy at the feeling of accomplishment, having overcome the distractions (which, after 2am, seem to mostly disappear all by themselves). It's nice when I have nothing in the evening (rare) and nothing the next morning, because then I can work and nap and work and nap all night, instead of "getting sleep". The early evening nap makes the all night of work a lot more do-able, (you know, advice for next time [laughs]).
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