Reality check

I've once again become derelict in my posting duties, but considering the fact that I spent the greater part of this week feeling sorry for myself, and that now I feel kind of silly about the whole thing, it's probably for the best.

I don't know if it's the early sunsets, or the proximity of the holiday season combined with acute homesickness, or hormonal flux, but I don't think I've had such a downtrodden feeling before. Even when I freaked out about moving into the dorm, I still did my work, showered daily and fed myself regularly. I haven't even been in to the lab since Monday. And the worst part was that I acted like everything was okay... to myself and to the few people I interacted with. The control-freak side of my nature can't admit weakness, even to myself.

I feel like I'm on the upswing again, but mostly due to the buoyount prospect of going home in just over two weeks. Without that carrot-on-a-stick to orient to, I think I'd really be lost. Part of me wonders if this feeling of fragility will actually go away after a couple weeks at home, and worries that I might just be setting myself up for something really nasty when I come back here in January.

But I am really doing better. Even at my worst this week, I wasn't a total wreck. I baked bread, and did eat at least one major meal a day. I did all my laundry, which was a big deal since it's the first time I bothered since moving in here. And luckily for me, I DO have friends here. I've been kind of bad about meeting my dorm-mates, mostly because I'm still self-conscious about my German. But I met up with Laura and Claire again last night, and their friend Tim. That was a major boost, and largely responsible for getting me back to a healthy frame of mind. We had dinner, chatted, and wandered around the Weihnachtsmarkt a bit. Yes, I went on the Christmas-themed ferris wheel!